Since yesterday was my husband’s birthday, I decided it
would be nice to write a post largely about him. Instead of just telling you what makes him
special and why I love him, I have decided to tell you what makes us tick. What things make us work as a couple, as parents,
as friends.
Let us begin with the back story of how “Ben and Nicole”
came to be. When Ben first arrived at
North Knox after spring break of our eighth grade year, I was not impressed by
him. He was just another weird new kid
who ended up in the same science class as me.
Our freshman year of high school he somehow ended up at my friends’ and
my lunch table. William, aided by Mac
and myself, spent months trying to get Ben to leave our table. Ben was annoying, smelled kind of funky, and
was completely oblivious to our efforts to rid ourselves of him. By Christmas break, Mac and I had decided
that he wasn’t leaving so we might as well just get used to him. After this turning point, we began to
consider Ben our friend. I could tell he
had a good heart and meant well even if he was completely socially awkward.
Skip to March or April of our sophomore year: Ben and I went
on our first date. Cue timid, fifteen
almost sixteen year old Nicole going on her first date with her first
boyfriend. Clearly things went pretty
well since we’re still together. We
dated all through high school and three years of college and got married just
before the start of my fourth and final year of college. We’ve spent two or three years doing
children’s ministry together at church.
We’re raising our first child who is most definitely now a toddler. We’ve both had a big kid job now. It’s amazing looking back to when we first
got together and seeing how much both of us and our relationship have changed.
I think one of the reasons Ben and I work so well together
in most things we do lies largely in our differences. I’m a planner while he’s more a fly by the
seat of his pants kind of guy. Because
of this, he is able to get me to do things I normally would not and to make
situations work when something goes differently than I have planned. While I tend to be more reserved and quiet,
Ben is typically more boisterous and outgoing.
Ben is the stereotypical fun parent whereas I tend to err more on the
side of safety and boringness. I can be
very emotionally driven, but he reminds me to calm down and be a little more
logical and to use reason.
Other reasons that Ben and I work are but are not limited to
the following: me wearing earplugs at night so that we can sleep in the same
bed since even the sound of his breathing keeps me from falling asleep since Tony
was born; Ben’s willingness to do little tasks around the house like taking
care of the trash; my encouragement of Ben to pursue his dreams and his
encouragement of me; our uncanny ability to know what the other one is
thinking, feeling, and about to say.
The biggest reason that Ben and I work together has nothing
to do with our personalities or other quirks.
It lies in our faith. We believe
in a God who has given us specific instructions on what a marriage should
be. We try to live by the words in
Ephesians 5:22-33 which Seth spoke on at our wedding. I started to type this whole passage out but
decided to paraphrase instead.
The beginning of the passage instructs wives to submit to
and respect their husbands. I know this
is hard for lots of us women to follow, but it is important for the husband to
be the spiritual head of the household.
Personally, I believe that entails not only decisions regarding our
faith, but also all major decisions for the household. I don’t want to give you the impression that
I always let Ben have the final word in everything. I will admit that I can be very bullheaded
and manipulative, something I am not proud of and am working on ceasing, when I
really want my way. However, I do
try. I can say with certainty that God
has blessed us greatly when I have followed this instruction.
At the end of last semester I had the opportunity to interview
for a part time job. Initially I was
going to do it and take the job if offered.
It didn’t take much time for me to realize that I really didn’t want to
be away from Tony and Ben as much as would be required with this job. After prayerful consideration, I decided to
put the decision in Ben’s hands. He told
me that if I felt strongly that I should not take the job then he would support
me. This was not what I expected Ben to
say, but I was thrilled by it.
The next day I went to school and talked to the chemistry
department chair. She informed me that
if I was interested, I could teach at least one lab with the possibility of one
or two more. With the one lab, I would
make more per week than I would at the part time job but would only be away from
home for about eight or nine hours a week verses about thirty hours a week at
the part time job. I believe this
opportunity was given to me specifically because I followed His model of a
successful marriage.
The latter part of this passage tells us that husbands
should love their wives as Christ loves the church. Have you ever thought about just how much
that is? Christ is God incarnate. He came to the earth as a babe, grew up with
a family, taught, and died as the ultimate sacrifice on the cross for our
sins. You may be thinking, “There’s no
way my husband loves me as much as Christ loves His church.” If so, you’re right. There is no way that your husband will live
up to that standard because he is a sinner just like every one of us. That doesn’t me he isn’t trying.
I have no doubt in my mind that Ben loves me. He proves it to me daily. I know he is striving to live up to this
standard. I have seen him sacrifice his
own needs and desires to meet mine over and over again. If Ben didn’t love me, there’s no way he
would put up with my crazy antics and neediness. He is a loving, Godly man whom I am ever so thankful
for. Ben is an amazing father, husband,
teacher, and friend. I know God has big
plans for him both now and also once he is done with medical school. I ask that you might take a minute or two out of your day to lift him and his dreams up in prayer as a birthday gift to him.
Until next time, be blessed.
Nicole
